I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
