Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
