if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
