Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
