forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I checked into jail on foursquare
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
