Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
