Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize