I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
