my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
