im drinking this country out of the recession.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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