I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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