I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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