Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
