I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
