I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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