I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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