ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize