Sponge bath it is.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
