remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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