So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
