I think I won the penis lottery.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
