At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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