so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
