his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
