she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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