$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
