I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
