I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
