Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
