I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
