marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize