So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
