I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize