Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
