Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
