I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
