i think my tv is drunk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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