Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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