well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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