She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
