What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
