Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
