arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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