I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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