I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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