If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My liver just had a heart attack.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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