I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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