This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
