my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
