wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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