He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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