that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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