who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
