Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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