I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
did i walk over a car last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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