wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
