You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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