How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
