awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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