Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
