My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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