he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I could fuck to npr.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
