I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
