What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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