Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
