just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
