I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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