tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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