I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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