Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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