My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
