Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
