butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
