But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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