The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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