I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
