I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
