I am puke
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
