you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
