I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
