You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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