have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
