My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize