I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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