this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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