i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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